One would think that as time flies by that you will learn, that you would grow or maybe change and finaly become a full grown adult..
That with time you will find it easier to be an actual adult..
But we do not include the fact that even though all of this comes along with time and experience, that there are also things locked up inside of us, that even though we learn to let go, they always come back to haunt us when we least expect it.. and it is then that we have to prove to ourselves that we have learned, grown, and changed..
Unfortunately, with you, it is like im 15 all over again.
Over and over and over.. until one day, I smash my hand within the looked door, put the lock over it, feel the pain.. and than slowly like if I put my hand in a bucket of ice I finaly learn to love the pain and let go of it and not feel.. and wonder when the fuck am I ever gonna learn.. and start to hate you and love you all over again.. and feel it all like years before, like a record that would just not stop spinning.. and than slowly like if I put my hand in a bucket of ice I finaly learn to love the pain and let go of it and not feel.. until my hand becomes numb.. and it is then that I finaly learn to let go, but realized, that unlike other times this time all I have left is frostbite, a black hand with no use.
Thats how it is with you.
It's like frostbite, only thats its with a perfectly healthy hand and numbed lips.
Cause no one can know, everytime it happens, no one can never know.. Only you, me and the room we share from time to time.. and at the end only I can know..
So all I have left is a perfect healthy hand with frostbite.
Without any trace of it happening at all.