:: STANDARDS BY WHICH ONE SHOULD LIVE BY ::

• IF YOU OPEN IT.. CLOSE IT..
• IF YOU'RE HUNGRY.. EAT.. DON'T WHINE ABOUT IT AND EAT!!
• IF YOU'RE PISSED.. WHO CARES!!..
• IF YOUR NOT INTERESTED.. THEN LEAVE IT ALONE.. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DO..
• IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING.. DON'T DO IT..
• IF YOU BORROW IT.. RETURN IT..
• IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY.. YOU'RE MOST LIKELY TO BE BROKE AND HAVE NO LIFE FOR THE WEEKEND..
• IF YOU NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM.. GO AND DO SO.. AND DON'T WARN EVERYONE ABOUT IT...
• IF YOU TELL SOMEONE OFF.. BE HONEST WHILE DOING SO.. AND GET EVERYTHING OUT..
• IF YOU'RE SICK.. GET MEDICINE.. AND STOP WALKING AROUND...
• IF YOUR HEAD HURTS.. TOO BAD!!..
• IF YOU NEED IT.. BUY IT..
• IF YOU USE IT.. CLEAN IT..
• IF YOU WANT IT.. GET IT..
• IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT.. MAKE IT..
• IF YOU MAKE A MESS.. CLEAN IT UP..
• IF YOU TURN IT ON.. TURN IT OFF..
• IF YOU BREAK IT.. FIX IT..
• IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT.. THAN YOUR USELESS MAN!!
• IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPERATE IT.. LEAVE IT ALONE.. YOU DUMB ASS..
• IF IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.. DON'T MESS WITH IT..
• IF THE DAMN PHONE RINGS.. GET IT.. [I WON'T ALWAYS BE THERE YOU KNOW!!]
• IF THERE'S MUSIC.. DANCE.. ALWAYS DANCE.. IF NOT WHY IS IT ON?..
• IF IT'S THERE.. DO IT.. YOU CAN'T WASTE IT YOU KNOW..
• IF YOU FEEL TO WARM UP A BIT.. MAKE IT SNOW.. [IT'S NEEDED ONCE IN A WHILE]
• IF YOU MOVE IT.. PUT BACK YOU RETARD.. DON'T JUST LEAVE IT THERE..
• IF IT BELONGS TO SOME ELSE.. GET PERMISSION!!
• IF YOU'RE FUCKED UP.. DON'T EVER USE THE PHONE EVER!! OR WALK, TALK, OR ANYTHING AT ALL FOR THAT MATTER..
• WHEN YOU FEEL THE BUZZ.. LIGHT ANOTHER ONE..
• IF IT'S THE LAST CIGG IN THE BOX.. GET A NEW ONE BEFORE YOU SMOKE THE DAMN THING!!
• IF YOU FEEL LONESOME.. DRINK UP..
• IF YOU UNLOCK IT.. LOCK IT..
• IF YOU FUCK IT.. CALL IT..
• IF YOU'RE HOOKED.. GOT TO REHAB..
• IF YOU WANT IT DONE RIGHT.. DO IT YOURSELF.. OR GIVE THE DUMB ASS DIRECTIONS!!
• IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DONE TO YOU.. DON'T DO IT TO OTHERS.. THAT'S BAD YOU KNOW!!
• IF YOU DO DRUGS.. CONTROL YOURSELF.. DON'T BE A DUMBASS AND DO IT ALL AT ONCE.. THAT'S HOW THEY YOU CAUGHT AND PROBABLY END UP KILLING YOURSLEF!!.. STUPID!!..
• IF YOU NEED TO FEED YOUR BRAIN.. LEARN SOMETHING..
  
• DON'T SMOKE YOUR WAY UP.. RELAX AND SMOKE IT DOWN..
• IF YOU'RE TIRED.. SLEEP..
• IF YOU SLEEP.. AND HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. .WAKE UP.. DON'T JUST LAY THERE..
• IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH STRESS FIND SOMEWAY TO UNLOAD..
• IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE.. TELL THEM..
• IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING.. LET IT OUT.. DON'T JUST CLOSE IT IN THERE..
• IF YOU NEED SOME.. GET IT.. IT'S ALWAYS THERE..
• IF YOU'RE ALREADY LATE.. TAKE YOUR TIME.. WHAT'S THE POINT IN KILLING YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY LATE!!...
• IF YOU HAVE TO GO.. DO SO.. JUST LIKE I AM NOW...

[INNER THOUGHT:: IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST LISTEN AND LIVE PEACEFULLY AND FOLLOW AT LEAST A COUPLE OF MY STANDARDS. THIS WORLD WOULD BE SUCH A BETTER PLACE]

:: SIGHS DEEPLY :: SHAKES HEAD ::

WHY.. WHY DON'T THEY EVER LISTEN.. WHY.. IT'S A SHAME.. [SIGHS AGAIN]

:: INNER STANDARDS ::

• Love
• Inner Creation of True Happiness
• Finding Oneself
• Mind Expansion
• Spontaneity
• Freedom of Expression
• Lawbreaking
• Freedom of the mind, body and of course the soul
• Destiny
• Education
• Responsibility
• Goals
• Independence
• The Unreal
• Honesty
• Decision Making
• War
• Relativity
• Nonexistence of terminologies
• Mind Dependence
• Nonpolitical Parties
• Circumstances
• Coincidence
• Faith
• Expansion of one's horizons
• Taking a deeper look
• Death
• One's Emotions
• Getting a Job
• Friendship
• Soulmates
• Daejavu
• Visions
• Dreams
• Creativiy
• Uniqueness
• Communication
• Mind Games
• Music as an inner therapist
• Pain
• Egos
• Justice
• Outer existence
• Motherhood
• Life as a movie
• Vibes
• My Inner World
• Saying NO
• Acceptance
• Openness
• Finding Truth
• Reconstruction
• Outer Limits
• The Unnormal
• Being ME

:: RESTLESS MIND ::

I CAN'T SLEEP.. I CAN'T SLEEP..
I NEED HELP HERE..
I CAN'T SLEEP....

It's like 1am and for some unexplainable reason I can't sleep.. My body is Restless.. I think I have a disease or something.. I have to go to a sleep doctor.. I have like four nights in a row that I can't sleep.. My mind just keeps on going and going.. It like never stops.. and I just don't understand why.. I'm in a perfectly normal state.. I'm tired.. I wanna sleep.. but when I go into the damn covers and I close my eyes, my fuckin' mind just won't shut off.. arrffph!!.. It's pissing me off!!.. Shit!!... So anyways.. since I couldn't put my mind to rest and enter dreamworld, I decided to take some of the load off.. Since I can't get it any other way.. umph!!.. So here I am at 1:11am on a Saturday night, when I should be out dancing, trying to empty my mind in order to find some decent sleep..

So tonight's slide show is gonna be a random nameless topic really.. I'm just gonna jot down everything that comes to mind in form of a things-to-do list.. Here I GO!!...

Tag names.. Names.. names..

I feel lost.. I feel restless.. I'm tired..

I need help
Helpless
Colorless
Crossing Over (hmm..)
Unreachable Grounds
Insecure
Uncontrollable Vibes
Questionable Mistakes
Eatable Questions
Forbidden Writings (if they're forbidden why are they written..) (I don't get that)
Broken Thoughts..

Colors.. colors.. Green.. Greenable Balance.. Balance.. Emotional Balance..

Almost Normal
Not quite there..
Behind Curtains..
Are we there yet?...
Crashed
Blind.. How would it feel to be blind?..

::INNER THOUGHT::
if we were all blind, we would then be able to have real feelings.. and feel real things.. love each other by how we are.. and not superficially.. like we do now.. Why do we do that?.. Why are we so evil?.. Why are we satisfied with so little?.. Why don't we see beyond the eyes of the exterior and take a deeper look?.. .. Why are we all so normal?..
I hate normal...
Normal for me doesn't exist..
It shouldn't exist.. it's officially discarded...

[thinking] [pic of a brown poker table in my mind] [group of men united]
Mafia
Tobacco
Shootable Aim
Mind Poker
-- PAUSE --

My wishes.. I wish so many things.. I desire so many things.. I want so many things.. I need to get so many things.. I really need ONE THING!!.. [stopped to think].. [hmm..].. [ok back to writing]...

I want...

Super Natural Powers
X-Ray Vision
Linguistic Vibes
Mental Tactic Abilities

I feel :: Hazed :: Dazed :: Wazed ::

:think: think: think:

Outside the Box
Chocolate Box
Jack in the Box
Toy Box

- Got up.. went and thought about smoking a cigg.. did a couple of circles-
- Came Back-

I have to sit down and analyze myself.. seriously.. I think I have a problem here.. Why on earth am I writing a load of shit down at almost 2:00 in the morning in a fuckin' internet blog.. I mean HAVE I NO LIFE!!!.. What is going on?!!.. OMG!!.. Ok..ok.. ok.. (breathing in.. closing eyes.. breathig in.. while typing..) [thinking:: I must have issues.. what are people gonna think.. why am I doing this.. Why can't I sleep... Why? Why? Why? [thinking: I know why.. but why?.. why me?] [hmmm.. I have todo something..] [think] [think] [think]

GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

- Got up and thought about making a phone call ..walked around in circles..
[thinking:: why me.. Why.. Why me.. Why... ]
[damn.. damn.. damn.. ]

AHH!!! -nevermind-

waited a while.. paused..

cel rang.. hmm.. who could it be.. NOOOO!! Ok.. freaky...

-TALKING- ::hung-up::

:: I FOUND SLEEP ::